I am heartbroken. We euthanized my doggy Tinker this Saturday and I was there and my heart is in so much pain. We did it because of aggression but he was only 6 years old, healthy and my heart and soul. I was in agony contemplating this decision for two weeks.

We had these issues with him for a while.

- Never ever let anyone come inside my house because he attacked by barking and trying to bite peoples feet (I lost half of my friends because if this)
- Never let my husband pet or touch him in any way. Never let him come close. (We’ve been living now together for 4 years)
- Bit my husband by his toes; was territorial with him (ex. will not let him go to the couch; will not move away and stands his ground)
- Marked (peed) my house by peeing everywhere at least 3 times a day
- Barked at and attempted to fight with any dog the we passed during walks (I always have to change sidewalks)
- Barked at any outside noise and “attacked” TV if someone was too loud there
- Aggressive towards passing people during walks. Bit my neighbours fingers.
- Had to be sedated for grooming

I loved him so much so I stopped inviting people over a long time ago, just not to stress him. When we lived in a condo, I even took stair to 12th floor back and forth just so he would not get stressed over elevator. My whole life revolved around him. He bit my husband so many times and I ignored his behavior because I felt guilty to correct him. You know, so many times I stayed on the couch with him instead of my husband, because he was aggressive I had to choose either him or my husband and I always chose Tinker.

The issue that was the last string of events is babies growing up. They started to crawl all over and now trying to walk. So I did not want to lock him up and instead separated him by baby gates so he was roaming free in kitchen, breakfast area and family room. He marked everything, chairs, fridge, carpets, curtains.

While my twins had to be separated playing only in the living/dining room area. He would growl and show teeth when kids were close to the baby gate. I tried to “introduce” them once and he started to act like a “hyena”, obsessing and walking in circles.

I also read that once dog bites, it cannot even be trusted around kids so I was advised to lock up Tinker in the laundry room when kids babies were awake, but that was most of the day now, I thought that was so cruel because all he wanted to do was be beside me.

He wanted me back in the day, when it was just us and I had no kids, no husband and could spend my day lying with him on the couch. He never “moved on” with my life that I now had a husband and later babies.

This was not a life for a dog. Also bad for my babies who did not have access to my whole house and could not continue for long and I could not keep them segregated.

I know it’s my fault and I feel terrible…I feel like I should have tried harder to train him and try different techniques, but I was just so tired and busy with twins alone all day. I guess I am trying to find an excuse.

Last, for the past 6 months he would not let me groom him. He would act strange and pull away, growling if I tried to brush him or clean his eyes. He just became this unkept animal that lived in my house.

I miss him so much but I also feel like I gave him my all and he just terrorized my hole household. Now I can hire a nanny, I can invite people to my house, I can have playdates with other moms and so on, yet I feel so empty.

As regards to adoption, I actually contacted Humane Society and a rescue group which both said that if a dog has aggression and bites unprovoked, most importantly bite history, it will most likely be euthanized at the shelter after a couple of months. The rescue group said that he would have 15% chance of being adopted as it would have to o on his record that he attacks and bites. Not many people would give him a chance. Also she said dogs like this usually get returned back and euthanized at the end.

I guess I decided not to put him through the pain of being away from me, being caged, being stressed by new people and environment. I was also scared that if someone adopted him and he bit them, those people would get angry at him and either hurt him or throw away on the street. He went to sleep in my arms with me kissing him and saying his name. He could smell me until he took his last breath. It was so peaceful but it was so heartbreaking…

It was the right and humane thing to do. I am just so so sad…Thank you for listening….